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My College Roommate Hated My Guts
They weren’t green enough for her
I waited anxiously for its arrival for weeks, checking the mailbox fifty times a day and borderline-stalking the mail carrier. When it came, I ripped the envelope hungrily and devoured its contents right there in my parents' driveway.
I knew this letter had the power to alter the course of my entire upcoming school year, for it contained my college roommate assignment. I envisioned whoever had been selected as my first-ever roommate would become a friend for life.
As I read the information on the page in front of me, I said my new best friend’s name out loud “Samantha Eggars.”
I wonder if she will let me call her “Eggs,” I thought as I skipped back into the house, imagining all the late-night gossip sessions we would partake in. The letter included Samantha’s email address, so I immediately sent her an email introducing myself.
I received no reply.
When the day came to move into my freshman dorm, I was ecstatic to meet Samantha, despite my disappointment that she never emailed me back. I didn’t let the lack of response ruin the image in my head of her meeting my family during Christmas break and telling them how awesome it was to be my BFFL.
I saw matching friendship bracelets in our not-so-distant future.
Due to some drama with my high school sweetheart, I arrived at school very late on move-in day. I twirled into the room, ready to embrace my roomie with a hug, but my arms fell limp as I examined my living situation.
Samantha was sitting on her bed with a green comforter, dressed in green from head to toe, writing in a green notebook with a green pen. A green curtain hung from the window with a green trunk resting underneath it.
“Wow, you must really have a green thumb,” I joked, pointing at the green plant in its green pot on the green trunk.
Every item Samantha owned was some shade of green. She made a point to only purchase things that were green, even proudly showing me her box of green condoms, in case she met Kermit the Frog or something.
Seriously, green condoms? The image of a moldy meat stick became embedded in my mind.
