Some Clarity After a Period of Darkness

After weeks of pain, I feel stronger physically and mentally

Kendra Sparkles

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Photo by Masaaki Komori on Unsplash

Having an intense headache for multiple weeks does something to a person. Every time I had to pry my eyes open with my fingers because they’d glued themselves shut from pain, I wondered how people with chronic illnesses cope.

Just knowing my extreme discomfort had to eventually end brought me some peace of mind.

It doesn’t seem fair that anyone has to live a life of continual pain and suffering with no end in sight unless they’re animal or child abusers, then it’s totally fair.

There were a few blissful seconds each morning before I sat up, before I got my daughters out of bed and started the endlessly busy day, that I had no pain. Finally, it’s over, I’d assure myself for a fleeting moment.

I’d breathe a sigh of relief that was soon interrupted by an intense pounding in my head the instant I moved.

Nope, it wasn’t over. As the days and weeks ticked by, the headache, which was diagnosed as a chronic migraine, wreaked havoc on my brain while my toddlers wreaked havoc on the house.

Why was this happening? I know I haven’t been the kindest to my body lately. I’d reasoned the survival mode I was in was temporary. I’d treat myself better once my husband was home from his extended work assignment. Then I’d have time to acknowledge my own needs.

The headache raged on. The doctor gave me advice I couldn’t follow to ease the pain. Relax, get a lot of rest, don’t stress. Clearly, this doctor never had two toddlers under three with zero help.

In my agony, I began negotiating with God:

If you make my migraine go away, I’ll stop complaining. Well, mostly — except when I find Joey trying to stuff my toothbrush into the dog’s ear.

If you restore my health, I’ll be more patient with the girls, even when they dump my expensive perfume out into their Barbie bathtub.

I’ll be more grateful for all the blessings in my life if you just make this stop.

I’ll be less cynical as soon as I can open my eyes. I promise.

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Kendra Sparkles

Busy mom taking life one diaper blowout at a time. 3x top writer. Editor for MuddyUm