Some things are better left to the imagination — When I first joined Medium, I was pleasantly surprised by the camaraderie and friendships that developed through engaging with other writers. We’ve laughed together. Clapped for each other. And even share some insider Medium friend jokes. It’s great to have an internet friend like you @(yourhandlehere). …

And I really needed a shopping cart — There’s no worse feeling than forgetting the quarter that unlocks the Aldi shopping cart. Literally none, so stop trying to tell me how upset you were when you hit that squirrel with your car, Francesca. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’re either rich or don’t have a…

Clone Kendra is a real piece of work — I should have asked more questions before eagerly agreeing to become the first human to ever be cloned. I didn’t even read the fine print. Just popped in the movie Multiplicity, starring Michael Keaton, Michael Keaton, Michael Keaton, and Michael Keaton while the scientists did their cloning thing. I couldn’t…

But I’ve learned to accept sharing my husband with my sister wives. — Since it’s Valentine’s Day, I figured I would come clean about my unique situation. I am my husband’s first of three wives in our polygamous relationship. When I dreamed of meeting my prince charming as a little girl, I never imagined it would mean sharing him with two other women…

Well this is awkward — It’s Friday night, my toddler has finally stopped screaming for one more bedtime story and succumbed to her exhaustion. After an overwhelming week of driving across the state several times in preparation for moving, I decide to be extra wild and pour myself a glass of wine. Vincent and I…

Adventures in selling my home — Putting my house on the market was almost as much fun as the episiotomy I had with my first child. (If you don’t know what that is, don’t look it up. Stay blissfully unaware.) The real estate market is insane in my area right now, as it is in many…

A secret I’ve kept for over fifteen years and am ready to share — In my junior year of college, I studied abroad at the University of Glasgow in Scotland. I was 20 years old, naive, and longing for friends in those first few months of adjusting to life outside of the United States. My living situation was arranged by an International Student Affairs…

I’m in search of my own personal nanny — I was watching a rerun of “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” while my daughter teethed on our real houseplant of Walmart when I was inspired to make a change in my life. I am often inspired by the real housewives. Thanks to them, I flipped my table in the…

What’s red and orange and a mess all over? Me, running for junior prom queen — When the event planning committee made the announcement over the loudspeaker that the junior class was going to have a prom king and queen, I rolled my eyes and exhaled the scoffiest scoff I could muster. Pshhhhhh as if anyone really cares about that stuff. It’s not even the real…